It's worse than a bad habit…

Some people consider gossip a bad habit. But it is much worse than that. Many moons ago the Apostle Paul included gossips with a rough crowd: "They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips." (Rom. 1:29)

Ouch! C'mon Paul, why so brutal? It turns out that it's not just Paul:

• Leviticus 19:16 - "Do not go about spreading slander among your people. Do not do anything that endangers your neighbor's life."
• Proverbs 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
• Matthew 7:1 - "Do not judge, or you too will be judged."
• 1 Timothy 5:13 - "they become … gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to." (Actually that is Paul again, in his first letter to Timothy)

In the marketplace, MILLIONS $$$ has been spent to stop gossip. It ends up that there is one (free!) skill that works-more on that in a moment.

Often called "informal communication" in research journals, gossip entails people saying things that don't need to be said. Did you catch my definition? Saying things that are untrue, that is called lying. Gossip is saying things that (very well) might be true… they just don't need to be said!

Research reveals that "…damaging, negative news about rivals, and positive news about friends" are the most likely forms of gossip. One hurts, the other heals. Later research asks the question, "Weapon or Gift?" One small leadership skill can turn the hurt into healing-if you have the guts to do it.

Here's the skill: Speak second. And teach others to speak second as well! You see, the second person to speak wins the conversation…

When a small group is talking and someone says, "Joe just doesn't seem to get it. Will he ever learn?" The next (second) person to speak wins the conversation. If the second speaker says, "I know what you mean. Last week Joe was supposed to give a report…" We can see where that gossip is headed. But if the second speaker says, "I don't know, Joe might have had a rough patch, but he has been very helpful to me…" Research shows that the conversation will go the direction established by the second person to speak!

That is critical information for our businesses, churches, homes, and other organizations. It is news you can use; why don't you try it today?

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." (Eph. 4:29)

- - - - - - -

Robert C. McCleland, Ph.D.
Executive Director
North American Baptist Conference
1 South 210 Summit Avenue
Oakbrook Terrace , IL 60181

630.495.2000 x250

execdir@nabconf.org